


Duty Free

by torigates



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-04
Updated: 2013-11-04
Packaged: 2017-12-31 12:43:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1031833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torigates/pseuds/torigates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robin’s cousin is getting married. In Canada.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Duty Free

Robin slid into their booth and promptly banged her head against the table. Repeatedly.

“What’s wrong?” Ted’s wife asked (and it was still weird to think of Ted having a wife, but whatever, Robin wasn’t going to dwell on that).

Robin groaned but didn’t lift her head off the table. “Nothing really, except that my cousin is getting married and has asked me to be a bridesmaid.”

“So?” Lily asked.

“So my cousin is seven years younger than me. So I’ll have to go and see my family. So I’ll have to wear an ugly dress.”

“Yeah, but besides that,” Lily said.

“My family is going to want to know why I’m not seeing anyone, I have a pervy uncle who always gets wasted at these things, my cousin’s fiancé hit on me the last two times I met him, my sister will be there showing off her baby, and weddings in general suck.”

“Hey!” Ted exclaimed.

“Sorry,” Robin said. “I forgot you two are still in your honeymoon stage.”

“That’s okay,” they said at the same time and smiled at each other.

“Plus the wedding’s in Toronto,” Robin finished.

Everyone made a face. “You should have said the wedding was in Canada,” Barney told her. “You could have avoided the whole ‘weddings suck’ speech.”

“Yeah, but then I wouldn’t have told you about my pervy uncle,” she reminded him.

Barney shuddered.

“And,” Robin continued, “I don’t have a date. No one’s going to want to fly out to Toronto with me, and I don’t know anyone there.”

“I thought everyone in Canada knew each other,” Marshall said.

“Ha ha, very funny. I hate Toronto.”

“Who wouldn’t? The city is best known for it’s _phallic symbol_.”

“You’re a phallic symbol,” Robin told him. Ted made a face.

Ted’s wife high fived her. “See what happens, Ted? You get pretentious and people turn it around to call you a dick.”

“ _I’m_ the only one who gets to insult Canada,” Robin said. “Even Toronto.”

They all seemed to contemplate this for a moment. “I know!” Robin exclaimed. “Why don’t you all come with me?”

Barney burst out laughing till Lily kicked him. “I’m sorry, were you serious?”

“Come on, guys. It’s just a weekend. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Obviously we could all catch Canadian,” Barney said.

“What do you think, Mrs Mosby?” Ted asked his wife. Everyone rolled their eyes.

“I can’t believe you guys are still doing that,” Marshall said.

“Doing what?” Ted asked.

Marshall just looked at him.

“You guy are so lame,” Lily said.

“Oh, like you weren’t the exact same way when you first got married?” Ted’s wife asked her. “Ted told me all the stories.”

“That’s completely different!”

“Guys!” Robin shouted. “Can we please concentrate on the issue here!”

“Look, Robin. There is nothing you can say that would convince us it would be a good idea to head down to Canada for the weekend,” Marshall said.

Robin raised an eyebrow. “Duty free.”

 

Three weeks later they all found themselves on a plane to Toronto. “I still can’t believe you convinced us to do this,” Barney told her. “Or that I let you have the window seat. What was I thinking?”

Robin smirked. “I have my ways.”

“So what’s the deal with you and Toronto?” Barney asked her.

Robin waved a hand at him. “Everyone in Canada outside of Toronto hates Toronto. Did you know they once had the army brought in to _shovel out their snow_? I mean, come on.”

“Canada has an army?” Barney asked her.

“Whatever, the Leafs suck,” she muttered.

 

“Where are all the igloos?” Barney asked her once they had gotten through customs.

“It’s July.”

“Do you mean I brought my toque for nothing?”

“You do realise that no one is going to find your Canadian jokes funny. Besides, you’re basically a walking stereotype.”

“Yeah, if that stereotype is _awesome_ ,” he shot back at her.

“Whatever, let’s just get a cab,” Robin said walking up to a taxi.

“Whoa, wait,” Marshall said. “That’s not a cab.”

“What are you talking about?” She asked him. “Of course it’s a cab.”

“Uh, Robin? We’re from New York. I’m pretty sure I know what a cab looks like, and that’s not it.”

“This is what cabs look like here,” Robin told them, putting her bag in the trunk of the blue sedan. “Just please get in.”

They all looked dubious, but eventually Barney and Marshall joined her, while Lily and the Mosbys took a separate car.

“This is freaky, _eh_?” Marshall asked.

“I know,” Barney replied. “I’m totally going _oout_ of my mind.”

The cab driver rolled his eyes. Robin sort of wanted to cry.

 

They arrived at their hotel a little while later, and Robin’s first sensation was that she had temporarily gone deaf. “Robin!” her cousin screeched. “I am _so_ glad you made it! Can you believe I’m getting married tomorrow?”

“No,” Robin told her honestly.

“Oh, you. Always a joker. Come up to my room later. We’ve got to make sure your dress fits,” she squealed before noticing someone else she knew and ran off.

“Sounds, _great_ ,” Robin said.

“I think we’re going to go check in,” Ted told her.

“Us too,” Lily said. “I’ll see you later?”

“Sure,” Robin said. She didn’t see Barney anywhere. “I guess this is a good time as any to get hammered,” she finished to herself and went off to look for the hotel bar.

A few drinks later, that was exactly where Barney found her. “What are you doing?” He asked.

“Just some pre-wedding celebrating,” she said. “It’s on the bride.”

“In that case, I think I’ll join you,” Barney said and ordered a scotch. “So why are you sitting here drinking alone?” He asked.

“With my family I need it.”

“If they’re anything like you I find that hard to believe.”

“Ah,” she said. “But they’re not.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“They never really got why I moved to the States, or why I’m not getting married, or having kids, or why I keep moving to different countries, plus” she leaned in as if to tell him a secret. “People in Canada don’t really like Americans,” she whispered.

“They’re just jealous,” Barney said and winked at her.

Robin looked at him for a moment. “I want to ask you a favour,” she said seriously.

“Sure.”

“Please don’t sleep with anyone related to me. That would be weird,” she paused. “Or any of the bridesmaids.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Barney, come on! There’s over a million women in Toronto that you could possibly have sex with, you don’t need to –”

He cut her off. “I already have my eye on one of the bridesmaids.”

“What?” She paused. “Oh.”

“Yes, oh,” he said and kissed her.

 

Robin missed her dress fitting and they were later to the rehearsal dinner, but on the other hand, no one asked her why she hadn’t brought a date.

“I think I like Canada,” Ted’s wife said as they were boarding the plane.

Barney shot her a look. “It definitely has its benefits.”

“You’re talking about the duty free, right?” Lily asked.

“Definitely,” Robin said.

Barney smirked.


End file.
